Mel,
I wish you were here becuase tonight we woulda but some whoop ass on this chick!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
September 27,2011
Hey Mel,
Today was a really rough day. Missed both my classes because of my malfunction junction vechile, so i go shopping to get some stress off, like we used to when i stayed with you in Oklahoma. Plus my roomates dog eat all my panties therefore must buy more! So there i am walking into Belks looking for panties and earrings; this women walks up to me early 40's im guessing and she says to me " Sweetie you need a mother and a boyfriend its written all over your face. Your lonely"?! What the FUCK?! I didnt know what to do to her, slap her or to just cry. GSR-X hasnt really talked to me lately so im a little confused. Debating on wheather i should stay confident in single or should i try and find love, Ah about to say Fuck guys! Become Lesbian, then again they have nothing to offer me so Ill invest in a Battery Operated Boyfriend, sounds good to me :) LOL JK! But i am a little confused about somethings, but im sure the answers will come in time. I miss you Mel. One of your songs came on today and when i hear a song that reminds me of you i hold you in my hand well sorta' i hold my tattoo which is your name so i hold it. The song was Traveling Soldier by Dixie Chicks. Well time to get back to my fucked up life.
Love ya,
Rebecca
Today was a really rough day. Missed both my classes because of my malfunction junction vechile, so i go shopping to get some stress off, like we used to when i stayed with you in Oklahoma. Plus my roomates dog eat all my panties therefore must buy more! So there i am walking into Belks looking for panties and earrings; this women walks up to me early 40's im guessing and she says to me " Sweetie you need a mother and a boyfriend its written all over your face. Your lonely"?! What the FUCK?! I didnt know what to do to her, slap her or to just cry. GSR-X hasnt really talked to me lately so im a little confused. Debating on wheather i should stay confident in single or should i try and find love, Ah about to say Fuck guys! Become Lesbian, then again they have nothing to offer me so Ill invest in a Battery Operated Boyfriend, sounds good to me :) LOL JK! But i am a little confused about somethings, but im sure the answers will come in time. I miss you Mel. One of your songs came on today and when i hear a song that reminds me of you i hold you in my hand well sorta' i hold my tattoo which is your name so i hold it. The song was Traveling Soldier by Dixie Chicks. Well time to get back to my fucked up life.
Love ya,
Rebecca
Monday, September 26, 2011
September 26, 2011 Entry 1
Dear Mel,
Time is finally begining to catch up with me. I wish I could just call you up and talk to you, Ask you why on EARTH things happen the way they do; you always knew how to make things have perfect sense. Why they happened the way they did and plan a counter attack Bahaha. Its almost been a year since I heard your voice, i miss it so much. I called your phone not to long after you were gone but havent done it in awhile, but i didnt tonight just hoping that i would hear your voice again but a guy answered, how weird... I just hung up. This is so lame but I have no other way to talk to you, i feel super weird if i cuddle up play Jewel, smoke a cigarette, build something and just start talking to the unfinished dresser ya' know. I much rather do this, Write a Diary To My Dead Sister( Im going to see if this helps me at all in the next month; stay somewhat sane) I was putting together a dresser I baught and it just reminded me of the last time we spent alot of time together, outside in the garage at 2 am smoking and building cabinets; best summer of my life ya' know. Thanks to you. But your missing all the fun I can bar hop now which is sweet! But i know your lookin' out for me, when i feel super happy i feel like your there smiling with me, when i feel like the world is going to end i feel like your knockin me upside the head screamin at me " Stop it, your to young to beautful to be acting this way, now get up and start living your life". Is it weird to kinda' feel like you are here? huh? All this is very confusing, sometimes i get lost and people ask questions but its a process. In 24 days give or take acouple hours it will be a year since you left me, us. I still cant believe your gone, I'm hoping I'll wake up and its just a terrible dream, like a fog or somekinda crazy shit like that. I miss ya Mel, Ha i gotta guy now, well we just talk but i can tell he'd drive you crazy: tattoos, smokes, drives a sport bike, has a kid all the red flags right? WRONG, i know you would say that lol but I'm sure you've been peepin' in on the conversations and Ummm the physical activity, which was amazing never again will i remain abstinet! Its not worth it :P LMFAO but hes cool (WIll not disclose names do to privacy issue but we can call him GSR-X) anyways. I think i like GSR-X; hes a super dork though but sensative and compassionate. He can play the guitar which makes me melt and he can sing really well, which makes me evaporate :) Im honestly afraid of falling in love with his son before falling for him, ya know what I mean? Dont get me wrong hes wonderful but i nor him wants to rush this thing. Nerve Racking type Shit here! His son is beautiful, smart, funny and did i say super smart?! I already love his son to be honest with you.But anyways lets get off that havent even talked to him about this yet, which i would have if i would have seen him, Grr face! Mel im so much like you, Cant say anything over the phone to shy have to see facial expressions Lol Anyways. Im off work tomarrow, Thank goodness test in Biology, Yes the crazy goofy professor that shakes a femur at us all lecture long! And then boring Math ah! Well its 345 am first class is a 8am better get some sleep Sis.
Love Ya Sis,
Becca
P.S Ill never stop
Believing
Time is finally begining to catch up with me. I wish I could just call you up and talk to you, Ask you why on EARTH things happen the way they do; you always knew how to make things have perfect sense. Why they happened the way they did and plan a counter attack Bahaha. Its almost been a year since I heard your voice, i miss it so much. I called your phone not to long after you were gone but havent done it in awhile, but i didnt tonight just hoping that i would hear your voice again but a guy answered, how weird... I just hung up. This is so lame but I have no other way to talk to you, i feel super weird if i cuddle up play Jewel, smoke a cigarette, build something and just start talking to the unfinished dresser ya' know. I much rather do this, Write a Diary To My Dead Sister( Im going to see if this helps me at all in the next month; stay somewhat sane) I was putting together a dresser I baught and it just reminded me of the last time we spent alot of time together, outside in the garage at 2 am smoking and building cabinets; best summer of my life ya' know. Thanks to you. But your missing all the fun I can bar hop now which is sweet! But i know your lookin' out for me, when i feel super happy i feel like your there smiling with me, when i feel like the world is going to end i feel like your knockin me upside the head screamin at me " Stop it, your to young to beautful to be acting this way, now get up and start living your life". Is it weird to kinda' feel like you are here? huh? All this is very confusing, sometimes i get lost and people ask questions but its a process. In 24 days give or take acouple hours it will be a year since you left me, us. I still cant believe your gone, I'm hoping I'll wake up and its just a terrible dream, like a fog or somekinda crazy shit like that. I miss ya Mel, Ha i gotta guy now, well we just talk but i can tell he'd drive you crazy: tattoos, smokes, drives a sport bike, has a kid all the red flags right? WRONG, i know you would say that lol but I'm sure you've been peepin' in on the conversations and Ummm the physical activity, which was amazing never again will i remain abstinet! Its not worth it :P LMFAO but hes cool (WIll not disclose names do to privacy issue but we can call him GSR-X) anyways. I think i like GSR-X; hes a super dork though but sensative and compassionate. He can play the guitar which makes me melt and he can sing really well, which makes me evaporate :) Im honestly afraid of falling in love with his son before falling for him, ya know what I mean? Dont get me wrong hes wonderful but i nor him wants to rush this thing. Nerve Racking type Shit here! His son is beautiful, smart, funny and did i say super smart?! I already love his son to be honest with you.But anyways lets get off that havent even talked to him about this yet, which i would have if i would have seen him, Grr face! Mel im so much like you, Cant say anything over the phone to shy have to see facial expressions Lol Anyways. Im off work tomarrow, Thank goodness test in Biology, Yes the crazy goofy professor that shakes a femur at us all lecture long! And then boring Math ah! Well its 345 am first class is a 8am better get some sleep Sis.
Love Ya Sis,
Becca
P.S Ill never stop
Believing
Intro
First blog, So I figured I would give an Intro type deal maybe to explain this crazy idea I devolped. My name is Becca. Im an 18 year old college student on her own ( COMPLETELY) i pay my own bills, live in my own house ( with a roomate ofcourse) and i wash my own panties so there. Im a full time college student and a fulltime employee for a 24 hour restraunt not sure if i can say there name so i wont. My sister Melissa was 29 when she commited Suicide on October 18,2010. She had bipolar disorder and minor split personality disorder. People often say oh your Bipolar but its real and it effects everyone not just the person that has it. Its far from a joke. One minute Id have my wonderful life loving sister then the next I wouldnt know how was standing infront oh me, not in the sense a literally different person with a different name like you see on T.V but like her attitude her total outlook on things would be completely different.I still haven't came to reality that she's really gone, that she really willing left this world. So I am begining a blog to help myself in a way talk to her, because its kinda' weird to talk to yourself while smoking a newport, listening to Jewel and building random shit (One of the last things me and my sister did together). So what the hell i thought "lets start a blog, a diary to me, a blog for the enjoyment of others but this is so much more to me, its a start... to move on. Have any questions feel free to ask. I will try to post a blog everyday and try to look at it as a conversation, no a Letter therefore not everything will be typed correctly, for purposes I am typing in dialect so the: Im's Ill's yall;s ya's kinda's will be staying and will be used frequently. Thanks for Reading :)
Becca.BehindTheLines
Becca.BehindTheLines
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