Dear Mel,
Time is finally begining to catch up with me. I wish I could just call you up and talk to you, Ask you why on EARTH things happen the way they do; you always knew how to make things have perfect sense. Why they happened the way they did and plan a counter attack Bahaha. Its almost been a year since I heard your voice, i miss it so much. I called your phone not to long after you were gone but havent done it in awhile, but i didnt tonight just hoping that i would hear your voice again but a guy answered, how weird... I just hung up. This is so lame but I have no other way to talk to you, i feel super weird if i cuddle up play Jewel, smoke a cigarette, build something and just start talking to the unfinished dresser ya' know. I much rather do this, Write a Diary To My Dead Sister( Im going to see if this helps me at all in the next month; stay somewhat sane) I was putting together a dresser I baught and it just reminded me of the last time we spent alot of time together, outside in the garage at 2 am smoking and building cabinets; best summer of my life ya' know. Thanks to you. But your missing all the fun I can bar hop now which is sweet! But i know your lookin' out for me, when i feel super happy i feel like your there smiling with me, when i feel like the world is going to end i feel like your knockin me upside the head screamin at me " Stop it, your to young to beautful to be acting this way, now get up and start living your life". Is it weird to kinda' feel like you are here? huh? All this is very confusing, sometimes i get lost and people ask questions but its a process. In 24 days give or take acouple hours it will be a year since you left me, us. I still cant believe your gone, I'm hoping I'll wake up and its just a terrible dream, like a fog or somekinda crazy shit like that. I miss ya Mel, Ha i gotta guy now, well we just talk but i can tell he'd drive you crazy: tattoos, smokes, drives a sport bike, has a kid all the red flags right? WRONG, i know you would say that lol but I'm sure you've been peepin' in on the conversations and Ummm the physical activity, which was amazing never again will i remain abstinet! Its not worth it :P LMFAO but hes cool (WIll not disclose names do to privacy issue but we can call him GSR-X) anyways. I think i like GSR-X; hes a super dork though but sensative and compassionate. He can play the guitar which makes me melt and he can sing really well, which makes me evaporate :) Im honestly afraid of falling in love with his son before falling for him, ya know what I mean? Dont get me wrong hes wonderful but i nor him wants to rush this thing. Nerve Racking type Shit here! His son is beautiful, smart, funny and did i say super smart?! I already love his son to be honest with you.But anyways lets get off that havent even talked to him about this yet, which i would have if i would have seen him, Grr face! Mel im so much like you, Cant say anything over the phone to shy have to see facial expressions Lol Anyways. Im off work tomarrow, Thank goodness test in Biology, Yes the crazy goofy professor that shakes a femur at us all lecture long! And then boring Math ah! Well its 345 am first class is a 8am better get some sleep Sis.
Love Ya Sis,
Becca
P.S Ill never stop
Believing
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