October 15,2011

Oh Mel,

Last night and today has been pretty suckish! I took mom and my roomate out to my favorite friday night hotspot, but as soon as i got there i started play fighting with Eric which is one of the dancer for Ozzies ( the bar ) and anyways his foot decided to pretty much rip my big toe nail off, ahhhhh it hurts sooooo much! I wanna cry everytime i look at it! Then i come home to pass out wake up to my lovely puppy Rebel chewing on my 60 dollar wonderbra?! Like really dog wtf not to mention he also decided to sink his teeth into some knowledge and eat my biology 110 book, i doubt ill be able to sell it back to the bookstore with teeth marks and page numbers missing. Can you say Wow!

But thats not the reason Im writing today, My roomate has a six year old and there are often alot of kids over here and today i sat down and looked at a boy and Mel, I got that " I want that feeling" down in the bottom of my stomach. Is it wrong to want kids? I mean trust me i know not right now but with the last guy i talked to before Steve-O had a son as well and gah everytime i looked at him i wished he was mine, For some reason every blonde hair blue eyed boy i wish was mine. Even my little brother JJ, he's so adorable. The good thing about having this feeling earlier is that i think i actually think i found someone that i can get to that point in my life with :)

Mom met him last night, well sorta over a Skype video chat. She thought he was very attractive! And a goofnut which he is, but i love it thats all that matters anyway right? Ofcourse, i still wish you could meet him but thats wishin' for broken promises.  In  3 more days it will be a year sine you left me here, but its ok Mel because sometimes i still feel you brushing my hair, or something will wake me up at 3am and ill have the erge to go to walmart lol. Oh gosh and my roomate is sooo much like you Mel. She stays stocked with hot pockets, which i havent eaten until now since Oklahoma. Which is really weird Im doing alot of things lately that i havent done sine our last summer together in 2008. hmmm

Well Mel, how is it where you are? I know its hell here without you.
Do you miss me? Jess? Dad?  Well i know we all miss you!
Do you still love me?
Will things ever be the same?
Will i ever forget? I sure as hell hope not. Will you ever forget?

Theres lot of questions like thatm, that just over run my brain somedays and it honestly sucks.
I miss you Big sis
Love you Always,
Rebecca

P.S Ill never stop believing :P
XoXo